The Drama of Good Bye: You Can Keep It
Good bye's. Usually, I like to skip 'em because quite selfishly, I'd like to have all the wonderful people I know living within a 100 mile radius of each other. So I'd cheekily say things like "Its not good bye, it's 'I'll see you later.'" But doesn't that sound like something we say to protect those we love?
It can't always be "see you later," right? Sometimes, it really does have to be "good bye." So who am I protecting, really, when I mark this huge change with a very casual, and usual hug and "later gator!"
I just quit my job. I put in a two month notice which felt like torture. Two months of people asking questions about my unnamed successor. Two months of people wondering "Where are you going to live?" and "do you have a job lined up yet?" I get that these questions are probably out of concern for my well-being, but most likely curiousity because who in their right mind quits their job with nothing else planned? No back up. No Plan B. It was just two months of saying "I don't know."
Dammit, there is a lot of insecurity that comes along with that phrase. I don't know. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I don't know. "What's your major?" I don't know. "Do you want to get married?" I DON'T KNOW!
So two months of build up and a whole lot of "I don't knows" later, everything felt so, damn, dramatic. Everything was the last time of this, and the last chance of that, or the only time I'll get to do this. How exhausting!!! It really was for everyone else, too; the whole "Maggi's Final Parade" was all planned by everyone else. (The only thing I made a really big deal about was having lunch at the bakery down the street from my apartment. They had the best gourmet cupcakes, ever. Red Velvet with a cheesecake middle and vanilla frosting. Hello! Salivating yet?) Instead, I was way to busy with training my replacement, packing, forwarding mail, finding a vehicle that could get me across the country to my general destination, and tying up the last few general loose ends that you NEVER forsee coming. So if this was the last time, friend, to hang out or eat at our favorite place, why was it up to me to make it happen? There is suddenly a whole lot extra on my plate.
Now, not to sound like a selfish asshole who doesn't care about her friends, because I do! I really do! I WANT to hear about your promotion/break up/mamma drama/insert your life stuff here. I'm just a little preoccupied to reach out and find out what that vague Facebook post was about. I love you, but right now I need you to bat me over the head and TELL me what the heck is going on, because I just made a huge life decision and I'm trying not to question myself every day.
So, with two months of answering a bunch of the same questions with "I don't knows," letting go of arguably one of the coolest gigs AND training my replacement, perhaps it IS me that I am protecting with a simple "See you later." The pressure is already there. I just don't want to heighten the drama anymore by giving you the proper good bye you probably deserve. You see, I already have 2500 miles in front of me to think about what I just did, and what I decided will be my life in front of me. There's no turning back now. The decision is made and I have to follow through. That's dramatic enough. So, for tonight, I'd like to just have a drink with my friend like nothing is ever going to change.
