What if I fail?: A look into the journey ahead

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, you are looking at the new Program Director and On Air Talent for X-Country 106.5.  The on air stuff I will knock out of the park. I’m excited to coach new talent in such a tiny market. I am looking forward to sponging up all of my superior's knowledge.  I am nervous, however, about keeping things fresh, new, moving and reflective of what is happening in Kankakee, in Illinois and in life.  Perhaps, that will simoultaneously be one of the things I will love most and find challenging about programming.

It’ll be a station with the Maggi touch.I can hear it now. Everything about it will scream “me.”  How incredible is that?!! I look forward to looking at this product in 6 months and a year from now and saying “Wow, look at what you did!“

I’m terrified as all get out at the same time. I’m terrified because I don’t know what to expect.  What if I’m too old to recognize good music?  Or too old to stay in touch with people in general?  What if I fail?
What. If. I. Fail?

Those words fall heavy on me because I’ve never been concerned with this concept before now.  Perhaps up until this point I haven’t had enough responsibility to warrant the fear. Perhaps the thought of failure wasn’t as scary because I had nothing to lose. Maybe even I was in a youthful, ignorant bliss.

But, what if I did fail? Let's say that the sales numbers come back and show I haven’t improved anything about the station and research indicates that listeners don’t like me. Or what if the failure is worse?  Like, my husband could become bitter and angry that I spend too much time working or commuting and not enough time on our marriage. That would be the worst disappointment of all.  But are any of these really considered failures in life? Hardly. A mistake, maybe.

 Okay. I can live with mistakes. My GOD have I made a few of them. I have learned to own up to my mistakes, learn from them and keep going. (I thank my mother for that quality). Perhaps, my awareness of the fear of failure has surfaced because I forgot that not getting enough in sales, or having people not like me, or disappointing my husband are all not failures. They are consequences of my mistakes. I don’t have to be afraid of mistakes. I actually, don’t even need to be scared of the consequences of making them, because I have made them before, owned them and moved on.  (And look at me now!!!  I‘m a PD!!!!)

None of those perceived failures are really failures at all. The only failure I can see, is wasting time being afraid of making a mistake because it would have prevented me from making any decision at all. I mean really, we learned that lesson in the 90's: "Can't forget, you only get what you give."  I plan on giving it my all and expect nothing less no matter the consequences.