My First Week: Thank You to My Work Angel Mark Wallengren

My first week on the job has been humbling and so very very exciting! The first thing I tell my friends and family that call for updates is: "I'm surprised at how much there is left to learn, and THAT is the best part." I have been working in radio on and off for over 12 years because of a love/hate relationship with myself. My last position was programming, which was tough. I liked the challenge, but after my boss started missing weeks of work at a time, I was getting less and less feedback. I grew anxious for more direction, although I didn't need it, I longed for it. I enjoyed making important decisions and creating a station that everyone was talking about. I loved the team and I loved the listeners. But I left because I felt I hit a glass ceiling. I felt I had nothing left to learn. No where else to go.

I moved to Los Angeles with the intention that I was going to make it in comedy. I still have that intention, along with several other major goals. In the mean time, I HAVE to pay bills. I need to eat and pay rent. The idea of bending over backwards (literally) for some ridiculous web cam scam is out of the question. (And it was brought up. Ick.) "Why don't you wait tables?" Um, then how would I have time to perform at night? No thanks.

The only thing I'm good at...scratch that...the only thing I WANT to do...is radio. I've always loved this business. Every aspect of it is different but exciting! It gets my gears going. I just GET it. So I clawed my way into the door. I tweeted at a major radio station until they looked at my resume. They didn't. I bugged the few people I knew to mention my name. They didn't. I applied for every available job with every company in the market. Until...finally...someone read my resume and called! AH!

KOST 103.5, an iHeart Media station was curious about me. I came in for my first interview and met the gentlemen who would soon become my boss(es). I say this because the man I work for most closely, the person who has been in this industry for more years than he'd probably ever admit, Mark Wallengren, is the kindest human being I've met in a long time. He has the same energy and drive for radio that I do. He loves each and everyone of his listeners. He respects all the people that work together to make KOST 103.5 a great station. Wallengren has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, for crying out loud, and is still one of the most humble, down to earth people I've had the pleasure of meeting.

As my first week comes to a close, it has been full of mistakes, crazy conversations, and chaos. But Mark has yet to be cross. Rather, he has been supportive and extra considerate. He has gone out of his way to introduce me to his/our fellow employees. They all say the same thing "Good luck workin' with this guy!" But they all say it with the same "You are so lucky" tone. One of the first things he told me on Monday: "My wife cannot wait to meet you!" What?! OMG! I can't wait either!

Sure enough, his family came in this afternoon for a quick visit. She was so excited to introduce herself, I hugged her. I couldn't help myself! In fact, his whole family was so wonderfully supportive of him and happy to meet me, a stranger, all based on his pride for his work.

Mark Wallengren has every reason to float away with an ego. Yet, he doesn't. He hasn't. I haven't tapped into how he has done it, but I feel privelaged to know him. His energy is contagious, his smile infectious and you can tell his listeners feel the same way. I'm eager to work hard for him. I look forward to a long time professional relationship. 

If anything, he has rekindled my faith in this industry, the value of letting your work and positive attitude speak for itself, and that there is still so much to learn as long as I stay curious. I'm curious! Actually, I look forward to going to work everyday to try new things, learn something new, and play.

Thank you for the opportunity iHeart Media. And my most sincerest gratitude for you being yourself, Mark Wallengren. You are my Work Angel. You've made a nobody feel like a somebody. You may never realize how important that is during this 'nobody's' first week. Thank you, thank you, thank you...I hope I have the opportunity to pay the kindness forward.

I chose Glen Campbell's "Try A Little Kindness" because Mark Wallengren embodies the spirit of the song. Despite every reason he has to be an egomaniac, demanding, and entitled, he couldn't be more open minded and considerate of everyone else around him. Enjoy this classic!

Facebook is a damn liar: We are not happy all the time.

Social media does this adorable thing where it makes us, humans, look happy all the time. Well, that simply can't be! We just have to run the gambit of emotions; it only makes sense in our binary way of thinking that in order to be happy, one has to be sad sometimes. But if we really studied Facebook, then we must be one happy group of people. This isn't true and there are multiple studies on the subject. Facebook, specifically, makes us sad. Depressed, even.

I wanted to use this as a disclaimer because OF COURSE we only post happy shit on there. If we post negative stuff we wouldn't have any friends because no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer all the time.

My social media posts are quite exciting. I have to actually look at my own Facebook sometimes to remind myself how much fun my life is right now. I have to do this because most of the time, this is not how I feel. Most of the time, I feel alone, isolated, bored, too tall, too fat, not funny, lonely, hungry, and really broke. Did I mention I feel lonely?

Los Angeles is a tough place to live and work. It is a land of opportunity and where some dreams come true, but those opportunities come to those with an incredible drive and somehow live above the threshold of fear. The people that never stop giving of themselves creatively and emotionally are the ones that make those dreams come true. But dammit, it is difficult to live like that. I spend most of my day in the car. Alone. I have no radio (right now) so I'm forced to listen to Pandora or iHeart Radio App or podcasts. Most of the time I sit in silence and go over new jokes I want to deliver at that evening's open mic(s). Then I sit in a crowded room where you are expected to be quiet and pay attention to the performer on stage. I wait my turn, do my set, then return to my seat. There is a little interation after the show to say "Thank you for the opportunity" or "Thanks, I thought you were great too!" Then I get in my car and repeat until I'm too tired or out of money to pay for parking.

The mornings are just as bad. My only real connection is to the yoga video I put on in the morning. Then I sip on coffee while I work from my home studio doing a recording or just marketing myself for more work. Maybe I'll get lucky and on my run that morning I'll cross paths with another runner and they actually respond to my high five attempt. But that's it. That's what my interations are like. Short and shallow. It's lonely here and I'm having a hard time making friends that don't want to fuck me.

I felt it was really important to share this because everything does look amazing on Facebook. And, quite frankly, I don't really have anything to complain about because life, on the outside looks pretty great. The weather is wonderful, I'm working for myself as a voice talent and I get to perform stand up more than once every night if I want to. But I'm lying if I said that I don't need to make new friends; or that I didn't want people in my life that lived here that just wanted to hang out and watch TV and drink a few beers on a Friday night. Or, at least a friend that wanted to get in the damn car and hop around to different open mics with once in a while.

Again, I'm not complaining. I just wanted to share the very real experience behind the scenes. The struggle that I deal with alone. We all look happy as fuck online, but sometimes that is an amazing front. So I wanted to share my experience because life is hard and dreams don't come easily. or overnight. It's a lot of work with a lot of struggle and I just wish there was a friend that was going through it too.

I do realize that I can call any number of people and vent and chat at any time, but there really is something to just having a friggin human to hang out with that wants to go to shows or go shopping or grab coffee or sneak into Disneyland or people watch at the beach because you are too broke to do anything else. The "just exist next to me and see where the night goes" friend is invaluable. They are hard to find and even harder to keep. So if you have one, give them a damn hug and buy them a beer. Then don't take a damn picture and post it anywhere on social media all night because you might jinx something really friggin great.

I chose "Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles for this post's song because I figured...I am hoping that I am not the only lonely one in Los Angeles. Plus, It's a great song.

Dammit Beiber: I'm Sorry I Liked Your Song So Much

There is a song playing on the radio right now that is such an ear worm to me; I dance every time it comes on and really enjoy how I can barely make out the words. Justin Beiber's "Sorry," has been on repeat in my head for over a week, now. It's catchy and fun and doesn't sound like anything else on the radio right now. I never thought I'd say it, but I like a Justin Beiber song.

Over the course of the week, I became obsessed with this idea that me, of all people, would like a Beiber song. (I'm not turning into a Belieber, I promise!). I searched the lyrics and the video; now I want to share what I found and why it makes me so angry. Here is the first verse:
"You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty
You know I try but I don't do too well with apologies
I hope I don't run out of time, could someone call a referee?
'Cause I just need one more shot at forgiveness
I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice
By once or twice I mean maybe a couple a hundred times
So let me, oh let me redeem, oh redeem, oh myself tonight' Cause I just need one more shot at second chances"


The song is so upbeat and catchy that when paired with these lyrics the juxtaposition is bizarre. I get the sense from the just the lyrics that this is a young man who clearly knows he lost a good thing but can't help his own stupidity. He wants to apologize but doesn't know how to do it in a meaningful and sincere way. The playfulness of the melody, however, says to me that he is young and perhaps trying to downplay his feelings for her. Here is the chorus:

"Yeah, is it too late now to say sorry?
'Cause I'm missing more than just your body
Oh, is it too late now to say sorry?
Yeah I know that I let you down
Is it too late to say I'm sorry now?"

The music slows down a bit for the chorus suggesting he is ready to apologize for his mistakes. He is trying to show that he can be a bit serious. It's been a while since she left because he is feeling the actual heart ache that comes with a break up, not just the "now-I-have-to-make-love-to-myself" blues. The beat picks up again and he repeats "Sorry" several times, the equivalent of a child asking "Mom, mom, mom, mom." until mom gives in and gives the child what they want. Again, the melody underneath is brilliant, fun and not annoying like the child in the aforementioned scenario. I can see why the woman would have fell for him in the first place, but also why she would have left.

Lyrically and melodically, I love what Beiber is doing. Whether or not any of this was intentional if he even wrote it himself, this song has some depth to it and I appreciate how it is clean and sentimental and sweet.

The music video that accompanies the song is a damn cluster-fuck. There are probably a dozen women in the video, all wearing sunglasses and outfits that are not overtly sexual but not flattering either. No two women look alike and if there is anything I applaud in this video is the variety of the shapes of women. None of the women dancing in this video look traditionally beautiful or even cute the way they are made up and dressed. Perhaps this is my version of being too old to know what's up.

The women are dancing in a way that is very sexual. They sink down in low squats to thrust their hips in unison while each touching parts of their bodies in a quick fast paced manner. I'm a big fan of dance videos and as far as dancing goes, these ladies NAIL it. But why, WHY? do they touch themselves? Why does the camera cut off their bodies to only show their hips or chest or stomach? If this man asking to apologize and saying he misses more than just her body and her touch, insist on showcasing these women for just that? The sex.

I'm not saying I don't like the video. Not at all. I just think the choice was weird and that he missed an opportunity to continue to explore the depth of the song. Perhaps he got caught flirting with a bartender on a tropical vacation with his lady. She leaves and now he's left on this island knowing she is there but not with him. I think Beiber makes it very clear that he wants a woman who isn't going to challenge him or think too hard. Which is fine. I'm just disappointed, probably more in myself for liking the song so damn much and then I let myself down by watching that video and hoping for something more. I know better now.