I wanted to use this as a disclaimer because OF COURSE we only post happy shit on there. If we post negative stuff we wouldn't have any friends because no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer all the time.
My social media posts are quite exciting. I have to actually look at my own Facebook sometimes to remind myself how much fun my life is right now. I have to do this because most of the time, this is not how I feel. Most of the time, I feel alone, isolated, bored, too tall, too fat, not funny, lonely, hungry, and really broke. Did I mention I feel lonely?
Los Angeles is a tough place to live and work. It is a land of opportunity and where some dreams come true, but those opportunities come to those with an incredible drive and somehow live above the threshold of fear. The people that never stop giving of themselves creatively and emotionally are the ones that make those dreams come true. But dammit, it is difficult to live like that. I spend most of my day in the car. Alone. I have no radio (right now) so I'm forced to listen to Pandora or iHeart Radio App or podcasts. Most of the time I sit in silence and go over new jokes I want to deliver at that evening's open mic(s). Then I sit in a crowded room where you are expected to be quiet and pay attention to the performer on stage. I wait my turn, do my set, then return to my seat. There is a little interation after the show to say "Thank you for the opportunity" or "Thanks, I thought you were great too!" Then I get in my car and repeat until I'm too tired or out of money to pay for parking.
The mornings are just as bad. My only real connection is to the yoga video I put on in the morning. Then I sip on coffee while I work from my home studio doing a recording or just marketing myself for more work. Maybe I'll get lucky and on my run that morning I'll cross paths with another runner and they actually respond to my high five attempt. But that's it. That's what my interations are like. Short and shallow. It's lonely here and I'm having a hard time making friends that don't want to fuck me.
I felt it was really important to share this because everything does look amazing on Facebook. And, quite frankly, I don't really have anything to complain about because life, on the outside looks pretty great. The weather is wonderful, I'm working for myself as a voice talent and I get to perform stand up more than once every night if I want to. But I'm lying if I said that I don't need to make new friends; or that I didn't want people in my life that lived here that just wanted to hang out and watch TV and drink a few beers on a Friday night. Or, at least a friend that wanted to get in the damn car and hop around to different open mics with once in a while.
Again, I'm not complaining. I just wanted to share the very real experience behind the scenes. The struggle that I deal with alone. We all look happy as fuck online, but sometimes that is an amazing front. So I wanted to share my experience because life is hard and dreams don't come easily. or overnight. It's a lot of work with a lot of struggle and I just wish there was a friend that was going through it too.
I do realize that I can call any number of people and vent and chat at any time, but there really is something to just having a friggin human to hang out with that wants to go to shows or go shopping or grab coffee or sneak into Disneyland or people watch at the beach because you are too broke to do anything else. The "just exist next to me and see where the night goes" friend is invaluable. They are hard to find and even harder to keep. So if you have one, give them a damn hug and buy them a beer. Then don't take a damn picture and post it anywhere on social media all night because you might jinx something really friggin great.
I chose "Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles for this post's song because I figured...I am hoping that I am not the only lonely one in Los Angeles. Plus, It's a great song.
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