Thoughts And Prayers Are Nice But Are They Enough?: Looking For Hope While Orlando Begins To Heal

Today. Its 12:30 in the morning. Thank you for a new day. Thank you for the opportunity to hug my family, drive to work and debate with my coworkers later about what the heck happened yesterday.

Fifty people no longer get to do that. Fifty three more are going to have wait a while to get healthy enough again before they get to experience the joy of a cup of coffee or the rage of morning traffic while their favorite morning radio personality fills them in on the latest Justin Beiber gossip. 

For the first time in quite a while, I spent the entire day avoiding my phone, avoiding social media and avoiding the news. That was tough.  But boo-hoo, right? Remember the aforementioned 103 people…then their entire families, friends and the entire city of Orlando?

My reaction was strong. Instant tears. The only person I called was my best friend, who happens to be gay. I had the unfortunate duty to break the news to her as she was waking up. The tears didn’t stop. They haven’t stopped. I suppose that’s the funny thing about emotions and the human condition, these things don’t disappear with a new day. They can't. They rollover like our cell phone minutes when we all still carried a flip phone.

 

 Orlando is home to the “Deadliest Mass Shooting In US History.” Wow. Let that sink in, the gravity of that statement. It has taken me all day to really put into a cohesive thought my feelings and my reaction to this shooting. This is quite the terrorist attack; as the shooter, Omar Mateen, will probably successfully divide even further, this country with all of the hot button topics addressed here.

The LGBT community was hit hard last night. The very little I’ve been online checking Facebook and Twitter, my gay/lesbian friends have a shared feeling of fear and of hopelessness. The feeling that all the work and progress we’ve made still isn’t enough. The feeling that there are still more people in the world that hate them just because they are themselves.

The Muslim and Afghani people must also be terrified. Omar Mateen was affiliated with ISIS; too many people still refuse to learn about our American born or immigrated Muslim & Afghani friends because it is easier to compartmentalize our feelings of fear. 'The Orlando shooter was brown, so all brown people are bad!'

Omar Mateen legally obtained these guns. How much more gun control can there possibly be? It was also brought to my attention that there needed to be some kind of help. Fifty dead people and fifty three injured, requires quite a lot of bullets and reloading. Reports are saying they are looking for another suspect. Let the conspiracy theories begin. (And I’ve seen them starting to swirl on Facebook…i.e. “Another distraction for the American people as the government passes more laws without us knowing.” Oh, boy do they get worse.)

With the transgendered bathroom issue, the deeply seeded racism because of 9/11, and the ever revolving debate regarding gun control, ISIS did quite the number on Americans today. We are a nation that is angry with our government. We are having a hard time listening to one another because rather than learning to NEED each other, we are focused on being right.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is not the last of the violence. But, I really don’t think that ISIS picked a gay club because they hate gay people. I think they picked a gay club because we as a society can’t make up our minds on how to feel about the LGBT community. One second we are okay with them having their pride parades and being represented on television (even if some of us are saying things like “I don’t hate gay people, just don’t hit on me” or “just don’t make me watch it.”). The next second, half of us aren’t ‘okay’ with the LGBT community in our bathrooms. (I recognize how broad this statement is, but for arguments’ sake, let's roll with it.) No doubt, we like to debate this and we all like to be right and decide how others should live their lives.

The gun control issue is just about as bad as talking about abortion. I have a right to the choices I make for my body just as I have a right to bear arms. There are laws. They are strict. Let’s debate who is correct some more.

Throw in a shared fear of Muslims because of our deep-seeded racism. Wowza. This is quite the mix. If we weren’t divided before, you can sure as hell assume that we are now.

The worst part is, is that we aren’t. People are angry and the online posts on social media reflect that. We are scared. We feel helpless. No one can wrap their head around this and dammit, nobody should be able to.  But, are thoughts and prayers going to help? Are they going to bring anyone of those fifty people back? It will take me days to even begin wanting to read the profiles of the victims.

So what do we do? How do we feel un-helpless?

Yesterday was one of those days that makes me hate what I choose to do for a living. The media will be in circles over this for the next several weeks. Replaying the hate and forcing us to relive the terrorism, desensitizing us all and normalizing this monstrous act.

As a person in media, I hate to do that. I hate to force it down your throat repeatedly. Because you know what? Hate is not the only news. It just happens to be the only thing we report.

As a person in media, I believe that we report on things that are rare and extraordinary. It just so happens that the rare and extraordinary are hate-filled acts of crime and terrorism.  Which means that the reverse has to be true.

As a person, living and sharing this world with you, I believe that kindness is so common and that love is all around us.

As a person, who had a strong emotional breakdown yesterday because of the devastating news in Orlando, I’m not sending my thoughts and prayers. Rather, I plan to continue to share kindness and love. and I encourage you to do the same. Give it as freely as you feel comfortable. Document it. Post it online. Share those stories. No matter how small. High fives, giving a friend a ride, donating blood, giving a homeless person a meal, sitting with an elderly person to have a conversation. These are the stories that will keep us sane over the next few weeks as the media endlessly reports this. These stories of kindness and love will keep us united.

Stay in love with life, my friends.

 

 

Pink- "Who Knew."

 I saw her perform this live shortly after my ex husband and I separated during a show I went to with one of my dearest friends. Pink, a proud LGBT activist, is strong and, like most strong women, she feels incredibly deeply. This song always spoke to me as losing the most important people in your life way too soon or without even realizing it. Although I knew no one affected by the tragedy in Orlando, many family members and friends did  lose someone and many more were affected. The range of emotions they will go through the coming days, months even years...my heart breaks for them. An appropriate song for those who lost someone yesterday way too soon.