After carefully thinking about Donald Trump and his lewd comments about women, I have many thoughts and concerns. First of all, what he said is disgusting. There’s no debate. Billy Bush was just as bad. However, what they said was meant to be in private. Anyone that tells you they have never said anything that nasty in private is lying or a damn Saint. I’m as guilty and perverted as they come.
I am not condoning what Trump did or said because he is a presidential candidate and should be held to a higher standard, but, there is something to the old addage, “Actions speak louder than words.” What Billy Bush did next on camera, forcing that woman to give Donald a hug after the conversation they just had makes it clear that Billy Bush believed everything Trump said on the bus and that that kind of talk and behavior was okay. It isn’t okay.
Next, whomever recorded and released that audio of Donald Trump and Billy Bush should also be fired. That audio was never meant to be recorded and that person is just as guilty as the rest of them as far as sexually harrassing and objectifying women.
Now that more information has come out about Donald and the women claiming they were sexually assaulted by the presidential candidate makes me believe that he too believes that he is so famous he can just grab whatever body part on a woman he wants because….money and power buys everything. What world does he live in?
Money and power don’t buy everything. In fact, the events that happened to me today, made me realize that women are not united and too many of us just put up with this kind of behavior because it’s easier, or because we don’t recognize the bullshit when we see it or perhaps we lack the confidence to stand up for ourselves and each other.
Today, I was invited I to perform on the set of a Public Access TV show for an upcoming Halloween special. I wore my Mario Bros hat, suspenders, big cartoon hands and asked everyone to call me “Maggio!” So clever, right?
I watch my friend The Burrito Lady get up and perform her material. Super saucy as she weaved in social stereotypes and other bullshit Mexican commentary. She nailed it! I was so proud of her.
Then it was my turn. I was nervous because I thought we had to be squeaky clean. I take the stage, sound check and I’m off. I told the few clean jokes I knew but hadn’t told in a while. I flubbed up, but made jokes at myself. I actually really enjoyed the experience and made people laugh while telling mostly clean jokes about Fall, Apple picking and Facebook. At the close of my set, one of the hosts of the show said “Turn Around!” It was very clear to me that all they wanted was to see my ass. “No! I’m not doing that. It’s weird,” I explained and left the stage. This isn’t the first time I’ve been put in a position to showcase what men find to be the most important of talents.
Standing around and looking good is not a talent
The Burrito Lady and I sat around waiting to come back on for an interview. We were called in and took our seats across from the host who was covered in a mask for the Halloween episode. He asked Burrito Lady about her burritos and the open mics she runs. He told her that he can’t call her a “Lady” because she is so ‘naughty,’ reffering to her set. Which, yes, was a bit naughty, but he forgets these were jokes pointing out ridiculous racial stereotypes. He must have forgotten that these were jokes. She politely smiled.
The host turns to me and starts asking about my start in comedy and explain about my involvement with the first ever “CU Comedy Fest,” and how the lack of female performers in the festival drove me to sign up for my first open mic. The host then said to me, “You know why there weren’t many female performers? Because women aren’t funny.”
I stood up and began to walk off set.
“It’s a joke, I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he shouts after me. The Burrito Lady had invited me to be a part of this, so for her sake, I sat back down, forced the smile and thought “five more minutes...hang on for five more minutes.” I thought that it couldn’t get any worse. Boy, was I wrong.
Later in the interview, I was describing something about my ex-husband when another talent off screen asks “How many ex-husbands do you have?” “One?” I reply. “Oh, but you’re good and loose now, right?” I took a breath and simply said, “Every single one of you is worse than Trump. You are all worse than Trump.”
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. We wrapped up the interview, I removed the suspenders and hat and waited for The Burrito Lady to walk to the parking lot. “This happens all the time,” she dismissed.
“But, it shouldn’t. It doesn’t have to.”
The entire experience was awkward. It was awful. My take away was that I was proud of myself for being able to recognize the bullshit when it happened, and had the courage to call it out. It was gross. I felt gross. Like everything I worked for in there was only important if my ass looked good. If you couldn’t say it to your mom or your sister or your wife, don’t say it.
This happens all the time. People say stupid, lewd shit. But for some reason, we, as women, are afraid to call it out.
Another time, I went to a bar with a girlfriend to watch football and enjoy a frosty beverage. Near the end of the game, a few gentlemen sat down next to us and we struck up a conversation about football, our favorite teams, players and fantasy football. When one guy found out my friend was a 49ers fan he said, “I like 49ers fans because they are all really sexual.” I saw the look on my friend’s face and replied, “That’s really inappropriate.” We got up and left. She told me later that she really appreciated me stepping up to say something and that she is working on having the confidence to stand up for herself and her girlfriends in that way.
It’s a damn shame that more of us don’t have the confidence to stand up for each other, let alone ourselves. Ladies….we owe nothing to anyone. But, we do owe it to ourselves to stop this crap in it’s tracks. If you can’t stick up for yourself just yet, stick up for your friends. No one, deserves to be talked to or treated like they are unworthy of existing other than to be a sexual toy.
My only regret is that there was a time when I made some nasty comments in private, joking about sex and race. Thank god they were in private. Thank god I've had a few friends call me out about it. I have apologized and could never act on those behaviors, but joking about it is certainly the first step towards action. Which is why, we need to start calling each other out when someone makes disgusting comments. Stand by the men in life who get it and never let go. Because once we stop treating each other as objects or possessions that can be categorized...just imagine all of the beautiful things we can make. That is a world I'd like to see. That is the world I want to live in.
Couldn't think of a more appropriate song. Stand up and be "Brave," and say what you want to say! Say it for your sister, your mom, your best friend, for yourself.
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